I just discovered your comic, and I have to say, I'm enjoying it so far. Particularly, the art is fantastic! It was definitely the first thing to draw me to your comic, and reads really nicely; everything is very clear. The compositions are great, the pallet is well-chosen and the textures are used nicely. It has plenty of atmosphere, which is something people tend to take for granted and often mess up. The anatomy looks good, and the poses and gestures read really well. It looks great! Keep it up!
I have some things to say about the writing. The positives are that it does a great job of being funny and entertaining (this coming from someone who doesn't laugh easily!). A lot of artists tend to fall into 'chibi' humor scenes too often, but this comic balances that well for the most part. The characters all have distinct personalities and voices. That's is an easy thing to mess up, but you handled it just fine.
Okay, now on to some of the issues. (I apologize that this is the longer part of the review... Not because the comic has this many more negatives than positives or anything like that, but I think it's more helpful to explain the things that didn't work in more detail.)
First, when Vix kills those four students at school. It's handled way too lightly, let alone the fact that two of them were apparently her friends. Once people die it is never so a light deal.
I find it really hard to believe that right after this occurs, she's allowed to be near anyone, let alone be idle in a hospital, even if it's to visit a friend (who she injured, mind you). Even if it's obvious she did it by accident, she's clearly unstable and as far as the other cast members are concerned, there's absolutely no knowing when she could snap again. She's a time bomb, and a very dangerous one. You do a thorough job of explaining this in her monologues, but the way people are reacting to the situation doesn't back it well enough for me to fully believe it.
I find it very hard to believe that Vix's principal would continue to protect her, especially if it's just on the grounds that she is 'a sweet girl'. That really doesn't mean anything. This is essentially saying she would rather protect Vix than the entire school body, or anyone else for that matter. Remember, Vix is a time bomb. And this is the woman who probably just took dozens of phone calls asking that she deal with this, by people who are scared to death and people who are grieving. Not to mention, being principal, she probably knows the kids who died herself, and death is tragic; the effect it has on people is huge. Even for people who didn't know or like the victims. This is a school, which is a very small community all things considered. Some of the students will have been close to the students who died, and even those who are close with those people, and the people close to those people are going to be affected. People not only mourn for those who passed, but for the grief of loved ones who have experienced the loss. Has a death ever happened at your high school? If so, what was it like? I can guarantee you, it's a really, really huge and upsetting deal for everybody.
However, the biggest problem with this is how Vix herself reacts to this. She's waaaaaay more concerned with her own problems than the fact that she just took the lives of four people. And she claims two of them are her friends. Honestly, you'd think she'd at least stay far, far away from other friends she can hurt (i.e. Jo), or perhaps even be begging to be locked up. We're supposed to believe that Vix is 'sweet', but she seems very self-absorbed here. (That wouldn't be 'wrong' if she were built up as a very selfish character, but I really doubt that was your intention.) Four people are dead, and she's just wondering how she did it, and adds "Thankfully Jo was only stunned," like, "No biggie guys, Jo was my favorite anyway." I think this is just a case of not thinking enough from character's perspective. Jo may be of more concern to you and the audience, so, okay. Maybe two or four random characters dying doesn't make a big difference to the readers, but seeing that the blood of multiple of people she knew is now on her hands, this should be monumentally traumatic to Vix. She doesn't even seem particularly guilty! She's far more worried about the fact that she has to deal the law's consequences for this.
Honestly, I think the easiest possible way to fix this should you choose to do so (as well as the route that would salvage the most of your completed comic pages,) would be to edit it so she didn't kill anyone at all. Making several student's heads hemorage from every oriface is plenty dangerous enough. She doesn't need to have a body count on top of this. That said, even if that was the case I'd still find it pretty hard to believe that they'd let her wander around the hospital and let her go home rather than just take her into custody right away (and even still she should feel more guilty), but it's not nearly as disturbing as the lack of bagage she has from killing people.
That was the biggie. Now for some of the smaller stuff.
- Some of Vix's narration strikes me as unneccessary, even expositional at times. Before you put in the narration, ask yourself: Does the art do a good enough job portraying Vix's thoughts without it? For example, Chapter 4, Page 2: "Despite the fact that I disliked him immesely already, I am humbled in the presence of the vampire before me." Why does that need to be there? It's pretty obvious that she dislikes him, and from the fact that she adresses him as "The Lysander" we understand that she is in awe. We don't need it explained plainly on top of it. It makes the scene feel a little bit cheaper. Remember, show, don't tell.
- When Vix meets Arianna, she says something like, "What, you're not going to give me an explanation or anything?" to which Arianna laughs and says something like "He was right about you." What I gather from this is that Arianna laughed because someone said Vix had an attitude of some sort, especially since the next time someone says 'He was right' she was being similarly smart-alec-y. Now, I could be wrong, since we haven't yet learned what 'he said' about Vix, but I really don't think there's anything unusual about someone asking for an explanation with an attitude when they haven't gotten a sufficient one. In fact, I think the vast majortity of people would... I don't see why it would prove anything.
- Another thing that bothers me is the meeting with Lysander. I understand fully that he is supposed to be a tactless jerk, but the way things play out I can't possibly imagine that he didn't go into that meeting with the full intentions of to giving the worse first impression ever. This is kind of his daughter, and this is kind of the first time he's meeting her. Yeah, it's great that he has this colorful personailty, but was he seriously not motived in the slightlest to tone it down for something as important as this? He doesn't even seem to be trying. Just because he's a jerk by nature doesn't mean he has to be a jerk to be 24/7. Is a bubbly person bubbly every single second of their lives? Is a violent person throwing chairs everytime they walk into a room? No. People react differently to different situations.
- Conversely, maybe Lysander did intend to make a bad first impression on Vix, or maybe he just can't help it. Okay. Then, why would Arianna subject Vix to this with so little preparation? You'd think in the interest of her daughter she'd wait a good while and explain to Vix everything for should prepare for in full. She said a few things to Vix about Lysander before they went in, but that doesn't even begin to cover it. What Vix has been through has supposedly been hard on her already, what with finding out who her real parents are, etc. Why would Arianna think it was a good idea to take her down to meet her father when she's probably well-aware that he's going to treat her like trash? For any normal person, that would be a horrifying experience! Think about it. Vix was just taken away from a home with a loving mother to one where her father treats her like dirt and her mother just stands around and watches it happen. Ouch! Even knowing I don't have all the information, this scene is very uncomfortable to me.
- I admit this is a nitpick, but the word 'unhuman' is awkward. Usually 'un' is added to participles and adjectives. Occassionally you'll get the odd noun, usually an 'idea' type of noun (i.e. 'unrest' and 'untruth') but as far as I know it's never used on 'tangible' nouns. Just as it would sound wrong to call an orange in an apple basket an 'unapple' (if anything you'd say "non-apple"), it sounds wrong to me to call something inhuman an 'unhuman'. I mean, I guess I could see how a person becoming a vampire could be an act of 'unhumaning"... I can't help but think the word wants to be an action rather than a noun. (It kind of makes me wish you just used 'inhumans' or 'nonhumans'...) No matter how I try to slice it, it strikes me as incorrect.
(Lastly, you use the term 'lol' and such an awful lot in your FAQ. I don't mean to say comic FAQ writing is srs bznz or anything, but I read the FAQ before the comic and it set my expectations for the comic's writing very low. Just thought it was worth mentioning...)
That's all I have to say, and I hope you find my comments fair! Keep up the great work! I look forward to seeing how this comic develops! ^^